You ASK, Wendy Answers!
Question: How do you remind yourself to stop focusing on the past and putting energy into your new story?
We grew up with family, friends, and other people who helped us create many stories that we now continuously have on repeat in our minds. They have become truths that we revert to for a long time. Staying in the past can hurt us, and it is up to us to squash the negative things we have let ourselves believe that no longer serve us.
Top points you’ll discover:
✔️ Pay attention to your physical body. From a happy place, all of a sudden, you feel a twinge of jealousy, frustration, anger, resentment, or fear of abandonment coming in. That’s the moment you realize that your thoughts are evoking a reaction in your body from the language that is coming up inside of your head. Become more watchful as they happen so that you will be more in control.
✔️ Be mindful of what your thoughts are. Only you have the power to help yourself move on and build a life that you love after going through separation or divorce. The first most crucial step is being mindful of how you are speaking to yourself. Your self-talk can either help you or stall you from going forward. Take the time to notice your thoughts and the negative stories still on replay inside your mind.
✔️ Ask yourself, “Is this true?” Dispute your self-talk and challenge the negative thoughts that are taking space in your mental real estate. You can choose to respond and ask yourself, “Is this actually true, or is this just something I’ve always assumed?”
✔️ Recognize that voice is not you. That inner negative voice within you is trying to keep you rooted in the safety of your old story. You are no longer your failures and mistakes; it’s time to separate the past from what is new.
Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/15-minute-divorce-recovery-call
Going through an immense betrayal can be the most difficult thing to get over. In fact, it makes it hard for us to trust others again. Believe me. I know how it feels. My ex-husband cheated on me, and he was the last person I’d have ever thought to be capable of hurting me. It took me some time to realize that trust has to start within ourselves.
After her son was born, Kristy Carruthers had to sell off their clothing, jewelry, and belongings. She started interviewing for jobs at four weeks postpartum. After living on credit cards for a few months, she just hit the end of the rope and ended up having to sell the house to pay the credit card bills. That’s when the mind shift happened. I said to myself, ‘You know what? This can never happen again. This is not acceptable.'”
When I was married, divorce was never on my mind.
It never occurred to me that it had to be something I should learn about.
Fast forward to today, it continues to be that gift that keeps on giving. It has taught me about myself more than I ever knew.
Even though I’ve undergone therapy, I still believe that what I’ve endured and experienced post-divorce unraveled five lessons that I never would’ve discovered on my own.