There are so many things I wish I had known before I uttered the D-word to my now ex-husband. In this episode, allow me to impart the essential points to consider if you are mulling over the idea of separation or know that it’s time to end things.
Top points you’ll discover:
✔️ The finance piece of divorce is the most important element. One of the things that I didn’t know was that I should have contacted my financial planner before even uttering the D-word. It was an emotional decision on my part, and it wasn’t something that I had prepared for. For so many of us, our divorce settlement language tends to be vague around what you and your former spouse are responsible for paying as it relates to your kids. What ends up happening is that one parent can decide whether or not to cover the support needed while the other party gets to make the tough choice to ensure that children can receive adequate care.
✔️ Co-parenting as it relates to those of us on the other side of divorce, it doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it. The constant thought at the back of my mind was losing the time to be with my kids. From spending 100% of the time with them, I can no longer tuck them in bed every night. My now ex-husband wanted to co-parent, and I was not in a place to be able to do that with him because I still had so much anger, resentment and bitterness and all those negative feelings towards him that I didn’t see it as a possibility. Having all those negative emotions, I was sad for my kids because that wasn’t the relationship I wanted our family to have.
When I focused on myself, sought therapy, coaching, energy healing and spiritual psychology work — I was able to come to terms with my ex as a co-parent and not of my old role as his wife.
✔️Women are more likely to prioritize their needs. Granted, many of us put other people first. But one of the things that I know to be true is that we do put our physical health and wellness at the forefront. And sometimes, we need a reminder around that. One of my saving graces, when I was dealing with the trauma of my divorce, was running. It helps my mind sort through where I was, what I was doing, and the right direction for me.
✔️Divorce is a gift. Choosing divorce was the wake-up call that I needed to start creating a life standing on my own two feet. Everything was hard until I decided that I needed to invest in my healing. Only then was I able to get to a place where I was transforming. I was changing my story. I was starting to forgive myself. I was accepting my circumstances, building and creating a new life for myself and my children.
Connect with Wendy Sterling:
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Going through an immense betrayal can be the most difficult thing to get over. In fact, it makes it hard for us to trust others again. Believe me. I know how it feels. My ex-husband cheated on me, and he was the last person I’d have ever thought to be capable of hurting me. It took me some time to realize that trust has to start within ourselves.
After her son was born, Kristy Carruthers had to sell off their clothing, jewelry, and belongings. She started interviewing for jobs at four weeks postpartum. After living on credit cards for a few months, she just hit the end of the rope and ended up having to sell the house to pay the credit card bills. That’s when the mind shift happened. I said to myself, ‘You know what? This can never happen again. This is not acceptable.'”
When I was married, divorce was never on my mind.
It never occurred to me that it had to be something I should learn about.
Fast forward to today, it continues to be that gift that keeps on giving. It has taught me about myself more than I ever knew.
Even though I’ve undergone therapy, I still believe that what I’ve endured and experienced post-divorce unraveled five lessons that I never would’ve discovered on my own.