Ever feel like you’re stuck in a whirlwind of your own making like you’re holding a constantly swirling snow globe?
It might be time to shift your lens. This episode delves into what it truly means to shift your perspective, gain clarity, and walk with purpose.
Tune in to this episode on Shifting Your Lens to Find Clarity and Purpose with Joree Rose
Key points covered in this episode:
✔️ Expectations vs. Reality: Life rarely unfolds the way we imagine. Discover the pitfalls of staying in the comfort zone and the freedom to break out.
✔️ Continuous Growth: The journey of mindfulness is a constant one. Recognize the significance of practicing every day, being aware of the present, and the strength in shifting your lens on life.
✔️ A Universal Message: Recognize that anyone can overcome self-doubt. The obstacles you face are not the end but merely challenges to overcome.
✔️ Compassion Over Judgement: Shift your perspective as you understand that compassion can counteract judgments. Know that being kind to oneself can be the remedy for the harsh critiques we often subject ourselves to.
✔️ Values & Boundaries: Connect the dots between your core values and the boundaries you set. Recognize how these elements provide a foundation for transformation and self-growth.
✔️ Law of Attraction: Learn how being clear on what you desire from the universe can dictate what you receive. Challenge the notion of “seeing is believing” and realize the importance of belief before evidence.
A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Joree Rose holds a Master’s in Counseling Psychology and is channeling her profound dedication to mindfulness. As the founder and proud owner of the Bay Area Mindfulness and Therapy Center in Danville, CA, she aspires to establish it as the foremost hub for mindfulness-based therapy and an array of meditation classes and workshops.
Joree’s mission is to disseminate her deep-rooted passion and knowledge about cultivating a mindful practice, aiding others in breaking free from detrimental habits to architect and live their ideal life.
Links:
Website: https://joreerose.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joreerose/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joreerose33/
TRANSCRIPT
[Music] hello everybody and welcome to another episode of the divorced women’s guide podcast how are you doing today don’t forget to hit subscribe so that you don’t miss a single episode because they come out every single week and I am so thrilled that you are here today with me because I happen to be joined by a very old and dear friend Jory Rose hello Jory how are you oh Wendy it’s so fun to be
Here I’m so happy to be able to connect with you after so many years so many exciting things to talk about I can’t wait to delve in I know me too and you guys Jory and I before we hit the record button we’re trying to figure out because we have so many different topics that we literally could sit and talk for hours about but ultimately what we decided on that we wanted to share with you guys today is how it is that you can shift your lens and I’m going to have
Jory share more about what that means but essentially it’s around shifting your lens on your patterns and on ways in which you are moving through this world and so why is Jory qualified to have this conversation with me will let me share a little bit more with you all about Jory so Jory is a licensed marriage and family therapist she’s a mindfulness and meditation teacher a life coach author speaker and she also leads mindfulness Retreats around the
World Jory has helped thousands of people to live happier and more fulfilling lives through living with greater awareness and compassion allowing them to decrease their stress anxiety and shed unhealthy habits patterns and mindsets Jory is also the host of the podcast Journey forward with Jory Rose and has authored the newly released a year of gratitude daily moments of reflection Grace and thanks as well as
Two mindfulness books squirmy learns to be mindful and mindfulness it’s Elementary jwy has also been featured in prominent media Outlets such as opram mag.com nbcnews.com Business Insider KTLA news and so many more Jory welcome back you’ve been a guest before it’s been too long and I’m glad that you are here so thank you for saying yes to coming back on to my podcast uh to refresh everybody’s memory I would love for you to briefly just share a little
Bit about your own journey and your motivation to do the work that you do today ah well thanks again Wendy so happy to be here and I love the question because it’s all about the journey it’s all about the journey and I know everyone who’s listening or watching right now is on some path in their Journey likely in a place they might I have thought they would have been if they go back 20 years and ask where would I be you know at this age or at
This time and that’s the thing it’s never how we think it’s going to look and yet it’s always the exact thing of where we’re supposed to be if we are able to see it that way and that wasn’t always my case I wasn’t always able to see that life was unfolding exactly as it should because it doesn’t always feel as neat and tidy and packaged in the delivery in which we had expectations but you and I both know expectations are the quickest to of suffering so my
Journey is in a nutshell married to my high school sweetheart woke up one day in my early 30s and said who am I how did I get here I don’t remember making the conscious choices to be where I am I just did what was next what was next what was next because it was logical and it kept me safe and secure which was the antidote to fear and anxiety which was how I was raised so Safety and Security became the highest value until it no longer met my needs which was to explore
Who I was outside of the roles I’ve always had and the expectations of how I thought my life was going to look so that led me on a journey of therapy which led me into mindfulness which led me into meditation I mean I literally remember the very first time I ever meditated I don’t think I’d ever been that still or that silent in my whole life and I thought I was actually going to die and I think it was 10 minutes yeah lit
Thought I was going to die and I contined to delve further into the world of mindfulness and meditation and professionally and both personally and really feel it is the answer to everything like I really fundamentally believe we are so stuck in our heads we are so detached from our gut and our six sense and our intuition and our heart center and we overanalyze we over justify we overthink we stay focus on logic and what’s reasonable and that
Might serve us but it also takes away a huge portion of what our in our guidance system is here to teach us and so when I learned how to get still and like let the glitter of my snow globe settle as I like to refer to it because our lives are often chaotic and it feels really swirly and out of our control but we forget that we are often the ones shaking the snow globe and then we’re like why are things so chaotic and Sly we’re like oh wait if we
Just like let it distill down and recognize I’m the one continuing to shake this then we have Clarity you can’t see through the water of that snow globe if it’s all full of glitter and the glitter might be good stuff too it’s not all just chaos and what’s hard but we still need to have that Clarity and the Stillness through meditation the ability to take that Stillness and that awareness off the cushion and into your everyday life is how I teach mindfulness
Which again I think is the answer to everything how to be present accept what’s arising even in especially the stuff you don’t like in your in resistance to to have compassion rather than judgment to be able to not get stuck in the past or Fear the Future it’s it’s a constant constant practice and it’s one that I continue to practice daily from my divorce eight years ago to a recent breakup with a seven-year relationship with my fiance if I didn’t
Have these tools I would be completely un othered and yet even though grieving and heartbreak and pain is still hard doesn’t make it go away I through my journey have really grounded and centered myself in a practice that keeps me Tethered to my own self and own trust and my own ability to say well this is what’s happening right now and in my most recent iteration of
Transition uh through this breakup one of the biggest questions I asked myself how would I respond differently if this was in service to my highest self how would I respond differently if I knew this is all in Divine timing like those two things kept me grounded in expectation of the quickest path of suffering let go of my ego and my grasp on how I wanted it all to look and let me sit with what’s here knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed
To be even if I’m kicking and screaming and fighting along on the way yeah so I don’t know that was a really um you know kind of Broad and hopefully yet helpful uh explanation of some of my journey but it’s it’s the reminder that our path is constantly unfolding and we can only ever be here and there’s ways we can move through it that cause us more suffering or there’s ways that we can go through it that causes us more ease and not always greed
At it but I continue to practice it yeah and I think that that’s thank you for sharing that and I think that you know I hope everybody listening is paying attention because what Jory just said is so incredibly important is that this is a continual practice this is something that we are always in practice of every single day and you know I have learned so much from I mean you were a huge source of support for me when I first was separated and I learned so much from
You and I know that you know you practice exactly what it is that you preach I mean how did you shift yourself from who you were to who you’ve become and really instituted those methods as a daily practice like how have you had the patience and you know the conviction really um to really you know as you say it and I want you to explain what it means too but like to really shift your lens on on life and and where you’re headed so I don’t recall if I told this
Story on your podcast before but even if I did it worth telling it again because this was my single most life defining moment and it was the basis that I continue to come back to of how I got unstuck from the patterns that I was repeating and how I was able to constantly say aware of where was my focus where was my attention where was my energy and was it in the place that served me and was it in the place of my desires or was it just going back to
What was familiar so long story short I was on a retreat with my favorite spiritual teacher Dan milman at the Omega Institute in Upstate New York in July 2013 and he is the author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior so this retreat was about cultivating a peaceful Compassionate Heart while developing a warrior spirit and on the Sunday morning we were developing our Warrior Spirit through martial arts practice and then
It transitioned to an experiential exercise he was teaching about self-doubt and there we had to get into groups of three and let’s say when you are my long glass friend that I see across the room and I walk toward you to go embrace you and someone along the way stops me and prevents me from getting to you and the person who stops me they threw their arm out really like kind of blocking my chest that person represents self-doubt
Preventing me from getting to my destination my goals my desires my dreams so we did that the first time the second time I try to step towards you again self-doubt stops me gets in the way third time I’m able to push past self-doubt and reach my goal and when we did this exercise we each had to play the role all like rotating around so we did it like nine times to experience what it felt like getting stuck not being able to get to your goal what it
Felt like being self-doubt and what it felt like not being able to be received because someone was blocked from getting to you that enough was powerful because I think we and especially as women self-doubt is like ever present yes whether it’s insecurity whether it’s a loud inner critic whether it’s impostor syndrome whether it’s fear whether it’s anxiety whether it’s trauma based like that self-doubt is simply part of Being
Human so I don’t think there’s anyone who couldn’t resonate on what does it feel to be stuck when self-doubt stops you he then assembled two cement blocks with a purple meditation cushion underneath and a plastic interlocking board across the top and the board was representative of a piece of wood that you would break if you were doing a martial arts breaking a board practice and he assembles all of this
And he says okay we’re we’re going to break a board and can I swear on your podcast yes okay good so because the very first thing that came into my mind was I can’t break a board and I’m like oh look at that self-doubt was there immediately I told myself I couldn’t do it so there was a couple of catches here was one there was three different pieces of plastic that we had to choose one that was the weight of an equivalent
Piece of wood a lighter one and a heavier one so we had a decid which one we were going to try to break and then he says we only get one chance but after he describes all this he then says so what’s the goal here and we’re all like du you’ve just been explaining this the goal is to break the board and he said no the goal is to hit the purple meditation Fushion underneath the board is simply in your
Way he said the board represents your obstacles and the cushion represents your dreams and your goals so I’m here full of self-doubt I can’t do this and yet I choose the middle one because I don’t like taking the easy way out of anything so if I’m going to do it I’m going to do it so I get up there I’m kneeling down it’s my turn 65 people are chanting my name and shering me on while my inner critic is really super loud for me I can’t do this
And I’m kneeling down I’m focusing on the board I’m like getting ready to prep my hand I bring it up I come down and I don’t break it and my immediate thought was see told myself I couldn’t do it so there I just validated self-doubt confirmation my belief in myself was 100% accurate and yet I was also full of Shame and embarrassment because out of the group of 65 people only six didn’t do
It so at the very end you says okay raise your hand if you didn’t break the board and shamefully I raised my hand he says okay I’m GNA give you one more chance but again I had to choose which one was I going to do and I chose the same one again I’m not taking the easy way out here so if I’m not going to do it I’m not going to do it I’m not going to choose the easier one just to have
Success so I get up there again and something in me shifted all of a sudden Wendy I recognized that the reason I didn’t break it was because literally my energy my focus my attention was all residing on the board I was St stuck on my obstacles I was focusing on what was in the way I believed I couldn’t push past what was in the way and something came over me to shift everything inside of me
Including my mindset and my thoughts on shifting all of my energy focus and attention on that cushion and I took a deep breath and I raised up my hand and I broke through that board and I hit the cushion and in that moment I literally was like self-doubt it never has a place in my life again if I did this I know I can push past self-doubt in any other capacity hasn’t always been easy doesn’t mean self-doubt still doesn’t show up
With regularity I just have the confirmation of knowing when I shift my attention energy and focus on my desires or my goals the obstacles they don’t matter so powerful so powerful um interestingly I did a similar experience with one of my coaches and broke my board um we wrote something on like the front and then something underneath it um you know breaking through same thing like the self-doubt and underneath were
The goals and you know and I can tell everybody listening the the power that you feel when you know that there is literally nothing standing in your way but that inner critic is is a lifechanging moment and it literally shifts everything for everything everything and it is possible for anybody who’s listening and tuning in right now that wherever it is that you are today whatever it is that you are
Thinking is it’s your ego it is not the truth it is not where you get to stay that you alone have the power to shift your mind and to shift your reality because ultimately as you said I mean what you think you create so you are allowing your thoughts to have that much power and until you decide to shift your thoughts until you decide to shift your behaviors as a result your life is going to stay the same and you’re going to continue to create the life that you
Don’t want instead of creating the life that you do so from that moment forward how did you change change your life how did you then well I realized ah that means I got to get [Laughter] divorced and I and and so that retreat was in Upstate New York and I knew that Dan milman led a retreat in Costa Rica every other year and I came home and I remember telling my husband I want to go on his retreat in Co street because that
Was a full week and he’s like you can’t go he wouldn’t let me so that was July 2013 I got divorced in 2014 and as soon as I got divorced I booked my retreat in Costa Rica that next one he was doing and I remembered being on the plane to Costa Rica by myself never been out of the country Alone full of so much like humbled Pride that in just two and a half years I took all the scary leaps into this
Unknown and here I was an embodiment of having broken through the board that I like I thought about how many people broke the board this isn’t a judgment it was just a curiosity how many people broke the board went home and didn’t make any changes from that and just was like oh I had this really cool experience but nothing actually manifested differently because it’s too hard to do that or I don’t believe in myself enough or
Whatever and I let that be a reminder that well this is what I do this is who I am now right it’s the integration yeah and it takes it’s not going to happen overnight I mean look that was two and a half years later right I mean I I work with clients now who are on the offence of should I stay married should I stay divorced I’m like look that took me five years to make that decision like there there’s no time frame on your outcomes as long as
You are to me that’s what the journey forward is and like these shift your lens it’s like it’s these 1% shifts over time that just put you on a different trajectory we don’t have to make the big 90 degree 180 degree changes overnight like that’s not reasonable it’s like trying to lose too much weight at once you’re just going to revert back it’s going to be a boomerang effect and I use weight loss analogy a lot because I’ve lost a lot of weight
Over the course of my life and you know when I went down over 70 pounds it was no you you do that one pound at a time that’s all you can do it’s only one pound at a time ever so you can only do one small change at a time and now I can see where I can easily get stuck in old thought patterns but I have the awareness to even recognize oh that’s just an old thought pattern and if I go down that path I do so with awareness instead of with a lack
Of awareness or mindlessness or being on autopilot because so many times we do things not even aware that we’re doing them right autopilot I used to lead weekly mindfulness classes for years I created a curriculum and I taught it at multiple different locations and one of my favorite questions each week was asking how what was a mindful moment you had this week and I loved it when people would
Come in and say I had no mindful moments this week Jory at all like I you know I had no mindful moments I was reactive I was this I was that and my response was always the same the mere fact that you are aware that you were unaware is and of itself awareness awareness does not mean you’re always doing something different awareness just means you simply have two paths you can go down choosing the old familiar path is still an awareness but
There’s no shame in doing what you’ve always done because it’s such a well-ingrained habit we can just have the awareness of oh look I’m noticing I went down the same path it was habit it’s familiar it feels safe it feels comfortable but I also don’t like how I feel down when I get there right so just because I started walking that path I can still shift through a different path I can I can pivot whenever I have
That moment of awareness but we believe that to create the change means I never walk down the old path like no you’re gonna keep walking it probably forever the key is are you aware that that’s what you’re doing or are you doing it mindlessly that to me is the difference yeah and that’s so powerful because I think that you know I love that you brought awareness to that because you know it drives me crazy when I hear people say like oh my God I
Totally you know did what I always did and H why why am I doing this or you know they beat themselves up right they get into that judgment mode instead of celebrating the fact that they actually are awake right they’re paying attention to what it is that they are continuing habitually to do and actually seeing that they have the power to do something different if and when they choose so what does the role of judgment play as people or as you have navigated sort of
These 1% trajectory shifts and how do people overcome that awareness that the judgments arising I mean look we so this is where I struggle with John kabat Zin who’s like the grandfather of mindfulness in the western world as I call him his definition of mindfulness is being aware paying attention in the present moment on purpose non-judgmentally I struggle with the non-judgmentally piece because for
Everyone who’s listening and watching like raise your hand if you have judgment okay like everybody should be raising their hand right now so I struggle with a definition that implies we should not have judgments it’s simply not human and judgments are really valuable they teach us what’s safe they teach us they our judgments are reminders of our values so if you’re in Judgment of something it’s a reminder of what your value is that was just
Violated or a boundary that was violated so judgments inform us of what’s important to us of what feels safe I mean it’s you know the fight flight freeze kicking on be like oh danger don’t go there so you know judgments serve a role for us the key is whether or not we are aware of them how much they take over how they Define Us and how we can mitigate them and I really believe compassion is the antithesis of judgment or the antidote
To judgment I mean I know that I had a really hard time understanding um how to even be self-compassionate um how can like what how do you define compassion and what does that practice look like so there’s a couple ways I like to talk about this I’m gonna start simply and then I’ll make it more Broad and more complex but we’ve got sympathy empathy and compassion people often interchangeably mistakenly confuse the three of them so
The dolly Lama has a description that I really like imagine you’re walking down a dirt road and there’s a man stuck under a boulder as there might be in India not here in California but to have sympathy and this is you know not the language Al Lama would use this is my take on his definition walking down the dirt road seeing a man suck under a border sympathy would be like oh that sucks to be him too bad
That’s like really too bad that’s unfortunate I’m so sorry to see you’re troubled right I’ve got sympathy it’s it sucks it really sucks to be there empathy would be to walk by say oh that really sucks to be him how do I know because I’ve been there before I feel your pain sometimes our empathy if we’re too empathic we can actually embody it so much to the other person that it prevents us from doing anything about it
Because it can be re-triggering to a trauma of ours like if we take on too much empathy right compa you know kind of like that fatigue of it it doesn’t draw us into action compassion would be to say I see this man suck under the dirt on the dirt road under the boulder that sucks to be him how do I know because I’ve been there let me do something to help them out from underneath so I like to Define compassion as empathy plus action so
Compassion is a doing like we’re actively doing something to alleviate some suffering so with that self-compassion is how can we treat ourselves in a way to alleviate our own suffering of inner critic inner judgment self out shame whatever is coming up for for us that is preventing us from feeling kind to ourselves good about ourselves proud empowered strong you name
It so self-compassion as defined by Kristen nef who’s one of the top researchers on self-compassion she defines it in three ways one is common Humanity the way I Define common humanity is is simply part of Being Human whatever you’re feeling is normal you know if like Wendy you and I are unique but our problems are not the details are unique to you but what you’re experiencing is a human experience it’s emotion it’s Humanity no
One gets out of here unscathed right right we often feel when we’re stuck in judgment or that inner critic we feel like no one’s going to get me I’m the only one and we believe that we truly are the only ones who’s ever gone through heartbreak grief trauma whatever it is so remembering that part of common Humanity can just be a little bit just even if it’s just an inkling it’s one of those shits like even if it’s just a
Little bit to be like okay at least I know I’m human nothing is wrong with me because we often think what’s wrong with me of why can’t I get through this or why is this so hard so like one of my favorite self-compassionate phrases is is this is really hard right now and you notice the tone I said it to myself and if I was going to be like Fu this is hard like that would be a judgmental statement like that what is wrong with that I can’t get out of this right right
Versus really hard right now and I also use the words right now which speaks to the other component of self-compassion which is mindfulness which is being present not permanent not going to be here for forever it’s what’s arising right now and when we’re practicing mindfulness it’s can I accept what’s arising even when I don’t like it and especially when I don’t like it it’s what’s here it’s allowing and accepting versus denying
And resisting and ignoring because when we’re in denial resistance ignoring it only actively actually activates our inner critic our inner judgment more taking us down the opposite way of compassion and then the last piece is kindness you know can we speak to ourself like the way we would to someone we love the most and I actually add three other things to Christ NE because I’m not
Researcher and self-compassion and I value the work that she does and I also don’t think it’s enough because I think we can be stuck saying hey this is part of Being Human I can accept it even if I don’t like it and I can be really kind to myself but I think there’s more and to me the more is you got to really get to know yourself because unless you really know what your values are then you can’t do the next two
Things which is draw boundaries and let go of what’s no longer serving you because I think understanding who and what you are and your values and why what’s important is important to you because I want you guys all to think about if there’s ever a time you’re in a conflict with somebody it is a highlight of one of your values that has been violated period no matter what it is always a values difference when you’re in Conflict when you’re in
Judgment when things aren’t flowing there is a values violation so unless you know what that is you stay stuck in the conflict from that place of being values driven of understanding who and what you are which is letting your glitter subtle get out of your head into your body get to know yourself curiosity right then you can say what is a healthy boundary I can draw because I could technically be self-compassionate based on Kristen
Nef’s definition and still say a bad situation yeah totally agree with you I love these keep going sorry no no I but like I think about people who are in really unhealthy situations can be really self-compassionate and also not really serving themselves so get to know yourself know your values from there only then you can draw a healthy boundary based on your values which is hard to do when we don’t feel like we’ve got the Worth to draw a
Boundary but that’s work and then another really self-compassionate Act is Letting Go what no longer serves you and so you know those extra three components I feel are integral in a self-compassionate practice because it’s so much more than just understanding our common Humanity it’s so much more than just being present and adding the words right now and acceptance into what’s hard and it’s
So much more than just shifting your inner voice from judgment to kindness It’s like we actually got to do more work yeah I I agree with you I mean it’s the foundation for the work that I do is all values and Boundary based our boundaries come from our values if you don’t know what your values are then then you can’t shift right that’s that’s the missing piece to be able to really shift into and start making different choices and and creating that
New life that that you know so many of us want I mean I feel like those are the two pieces that also help with shifting your outlook right creating that positivity of what’s possible on the other side of this right like giving hope almost uh that life gets to look and be different yeah and you know I I’ve Rec L been doing a lot of La attraction work and I it resonates with
Me so much because I see the Neuroscience behind it it resonates in my natural belief system I have plenty of experience in my life to know that when I’m really clear on what I want to bring in the universe is like oh here you go but I’m also have a lot of evidence of when I say suck the universe is like and here you go right either way so but we e we often get stuck in the belief system especially in this Western culture of ours of when I see it I’ll
Believe it so when I have evidence of something then I will believe I’m possible like okay so me breaking the board I couldn’t see it happening before I believed I was capable of doing it so we can never actually get the results before we make the decision having the results is possible right so I had to believe I could break the board for me to have evidence of the board being broken right so it’s not I’ll see you
Know when I see it I’ll believe it no no no it’s when I believe it then I’ll see it because when you believe it is when you can put yourself into the place of alignment Mind Body Soul Spirit action Clarity alignment to put you on the path that actually gets you towards what you’re working towards yeah well and living an authentic life through the lens of your most authentic self which is typically our highest or higher self
Yeah yeah and it’s and a process it’s a process that we go through and we learn and as you said I mean the universe hands us exactly what it is that we ask for or that we are seeking unless we choose to seek something differently and you know I I love that you use that example because I always say like people you know it’s it’s really about um you have to shift your thoughts in order to shift your reality yeah right if you want to break the
Board if you want to see the board in two pieces you’ve got to believe that your hand is that powerful to create that for yourself yeah easier said than done but I invite people to consider what are you working on your life and how much is it actually manifesting for you and what’s the thing getting in your way it’s likely the belief that you can’t have it or that you can’t do it or that it’s not C you’re not capable and that’s a story
You’re telling yourself and choosing to believe and it’s not a judgment when I say that it’s just that’s our habit that’s our pattern that’s you know even How We complain to our friends like we perpetuate the thing not recognizing we’re keeping it alive through perpetuation yeah and I think that you know it’s we’re we’re looking for evidence to support the story instead of trusting that the evidence will
Appear yeah on the other side right yeah we look at it so backwards um you know and it’s and it’s retraining it’s retraining our mindset you know decad worth of beliefs and and autopilot that we’ve just been conditioned right again no judgment we’re all human beings you know I believe we’re Souls having human experiences and and we’re here to learn these lessons and it’s really about how is it that you are going to use these
Lessons to create and find the gifts on the other side right yeah what is it that you’re going to do differently because there’s so much abundance available to everybody right there’s you know you can decide at any given point in your life that you want something different that you want to be doing something different that you want a different partnership in your life or even through the Growth work that you’ve done you’ve evolved and changed right
Like I was just having another conversation with another podcast guess where we were having that exact conversation which is that you know we’re all going through this life and learning new and different things and you can choose to see those experiences as you know learning Mo moment right where you choose to shift your trajectory in the world and as you said it doesn’t have to happen in large gigantic steps it gets to be you know
These little baby steps add up to so much more and to be honest I believe that they last their lasting shifts versus making bigger ones as you said earlier um you know how have you been able to use that knowledge you know based on you know your recent breakup being in a long-term relationship like how have you been able to you know use the tools that you have for the grief that you’re going through you know being more you know I don’t
Want to say more evolved but being an evolved version of Who You Are are how have you been able to use that in your grief in this circumstance for yourself oh such a great question I working with my coach she’s like the perfect blend of spirituality and woooo and you know business coaching all at once because we are all interconnected we can’t separate out any of it it’s all energy right and I would often say to her okay
Like what’s the lesson I’m supposed to be learning right now what’s like okay what’s the lesson here what’s the and she finally stopped me she’s like Jory every single time you say to yourself what’s a lesson I’m learning the message you’re giving out to the universe is okay give me more lessons like a the did the question isn’t what am I here to learn the question is how am I going to apply what I’ve already learned
She goes it’s time to graduate like you got all the information you need right now what are you going to go do with it it’s not about learning more at this point so to answer your question like at what point do we have enough information for us to know we have all the information right we don’t need more information to learn more lessons it’s okay now the wisdom the deep deep deep wisdom is what am I going to do with this how am I going to actually step
Forward on a different path knowing I’m exactly being given but I’m exactly supposed to be receiving very different Outlook and mindset because I just was like what am I here to learn what am I here to learn because I’m always here to learn she’s like yeah but you also want to be somewhere else which is out of this Loop of confusion and pain and heartache you have all the information so it was you know even
Though I conceptually knew all of this it’s still a practice to apply my own tools and to really delve into okay I’m stuck in what I call the cycle of reactivity I’m looping in it it’s I see it and yet I had to get on the different path it was I have all this knowledge of what’s not working my ego is in great resistance my ego’s been in great resistance my heart is still broken and yet to get on a different trajectory it
Was what what do I need to do to believe this is all in service of my highest self this is all in Divine timing and to trust and have faith and a little sprinkling of pixie dust that’s actually what I have on my license plate frame is it says all you need is faith faith trust and a liberal sprinkling of Pixie death I love it Tinker Bell is like my spirit guide and there’s no easy like one two 3 four
Here is the steps now go it’s like okay I did steps one two and three okay now I’m back at one again okay let’s you know let let’s just keep one step in front of the other and for me at the very very root of it is breathing right it it’s connecting with that breath to interrupt the thoughts to interrupt the cycle to interrupt the pattern to interrupt the autopilot to say okay I have a choice right now not easy I don’t like it but I always have a
Choice in absence of me connecting with the breath I can’t put any of those tools into practice it’s too hard but no and I think I love that you brought that in um you know the power of breath work and how when you do concentrate on your breathing you know it it allows your mind to stop being on that hamster wheel and it just really allows you to connect Wy I’ve been teaching meditation for over 10 years and I just recently have pretty much stopped using using the word
Meditation when I keep meditation it’s an emotionally charged word where people have self-doubt as soon as I say it right so I’ve shifted one of my shifts is I have shifted the entire intention of meditation all we’re trying to do is regulate our nervous system that is it if you believed all your whole goal was trying to regulate your nervous system I could do that I can regulate my
Nervous system oh I’m I’m anxious okay my nervous system is activated when it’s activated all these other things happen what do I need to do right now I don’t need to fix and solve the things that cause the anxiety all I need to do is regulate my nervous system how do I do that I breathe okay I can do that like it’s just that simple we make it so complicated we get in our way all the damn time so like when people say oh I can’t
Meditate okay well why can’t you well I don’t have time okay are you ever in your car do you ever like brush your teeth are you in the shower are you inline at the grocery store are you sitting in traffic okay you’ve got time to to breathe okay you know well oh but I have thoughts good you’re human that means you’re alive your mind’s never going to stop producing thought the goal isn’t to get them to stop the goal is to not have them control you that’s all how
Do I do that oh regulate my nervous system they don’t take over as easily right every barrier to entry is an excuse of a belief of I can’t do this every single one yep doubt and yet often times I believe people stay stuck for the fear of if I weren’t stuck then I actually have to go do the thing and not scary too yeah what gotta apply the work right if I embody this change what does it mean if I let go of this relationship what does it mean to
Show up as a single woman again at 45 years old when I ever thought I’d be here okay well my highest self would say you know exactly what to do yeah the stuck self would say but I don’t want this I don’t like this this is hard this hurts it’s not what my heart or my head wants it’s not how I thought it would be okay yes and you’re here now and it’s a constant practice
Constant like how many times a day do I have to keep going back to Step One okay just breath yeah it’s and it’s not a matter of that you’re going back it’s that you know what to do should you should you wind up there you know yeah it’s it’s having you know it’s it’s just knowing what to do and I love the reframe around meditation because I agree with you anytime you know people are like what how do you meditate how do you do how do
You duh duh and it’s like oh my God you know it does bring up so much anxiety and I love that I really want to call that out to everybody listening that it’s really just about regulating your nervous system that’s all we’re doing the reset and and there’s two breath is the first one yes and for those who are practicing breathing the one of the keys is a longer exhale because that activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is the part of your brain
To be like okay I can calm down now but for some people breathing actually isn’t helpful if you obviously have like respiratory issues obviously the breath is going to feel difficult to access but if you have trauma to the body sexual trauma physical trauma the breath may not feel safe to go kind of inward with that one of the my other absolute favorite ways science back to regulate is just to name what’s arising when we name it even just saying I’m really
Anxious right now notice the tone with a self-compassionate tone not a judgmental tone saying it judgmentally would put us back in that cycle of reactivity where We’re looping in it but to just name it it creates space and distance and we know VI they franel quote right between stimus and response there is space and in that space lies our freedom when we Name It We are in creating space that’s all we’re doing because
We’re not in the middle of it we are now observing it and if we’re observing it it doesn’t Define us and if it doesn’t Define us it’s not going to be permanent and if there’s that space I can choose okay here’s it here here’s here’s popping okay and how do I want to get through this that’s all yeah wash rinse repeat I was going to say rinse and repeat that’s like that’s all that’s all like that’s all it is
Yeah not easy but it’s simple right simple steps doesn’t mean that it’s easy but there’s simple steps that you can put into practice every day anytime that you feel that dissonance within your body it’s possible to shift 100% 100% of the time and that’s why my branding is Journey forward because it’s it doesn’t matter like how far
Forward it’s just let’s just have a baby step you know one of the anies I like to to say with that as we wrap up is you know planes you know they can’t go backwards on their own they have to be pushed back from the gate and they’re also not meant to be stagnant they break down when they’re on the ground they’re meant to be forward goinging in Flight in motion at full speed and so like when we ruminate imagine like the thought of I’m not
Meant to be going backwards right now like I’m actively being the little cart pushing the plane backwards on purpose like you weren’t supposed to go backwards like we’re we’re physics law of motion stays in motion like forward progress is the only trajectory right and a regression doesn’t mean we’re going backwards it just means okay we’re resetting it’s energy it’s all energy yeah all energy and yet we interrupt it constantly and
Then we’re like why is this so hard it’s like shaking that snow glove like oh so chaotic why is it so hard oh wait I what is my contribution to this control that I have to let it Settle yeah easier said than done as I always say it’s a practice and it’s possible yeah 100% Jory we could talk for hours I before we hit record we were talking for like a long time too but this was so great always learn something from you every time I talk to you um I just want
To say thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and for the work that you do in this world and I want to make sure that everybody knows where they can find you so uh if you can share and then I also know that you have a free gift for our audience as well and everything will yes be in the show notes so best way to find me Jory Rose j o r r.com my website will link you to everything uh at Joy rose on Instagram my podcast you know everything is going
To be linked through all of that and from my book A year of gratitude I there are 13 meditations in the book that I have recorded because it’s really hard to do a meditation when you’re reading the meditation you really it’s hard to you know read a meditation so it’s my gratitude meditation bundle which are the 13 guided meditations from my book they’re so good you guys you need to download them I love going into meditation with Jory
It’s beautiful and her voice is so calming oh you’re so welcome thank you so much for your generosity and for being here today I Jory and I have known each other for for decades 25 years maybe and so it’s an honor to have you here thank you so much for being my guest again today thank you so much for having me Wendy of course everybody tuning in oh my goodness what a great episode you know that with every single person that I have on or even if it’s me
Recording a podcast episode you know that I am just trying to help you navigate wherever it is that you guys are to just give you some nuggets of information to get you unstuck so that you can take a step closer to living the life that I know that you so desire so thank you guys so much for tuning in today sending you all so much love light and joy as always bye [Music]
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