With divorce, one of the biggest challenges you’ll face is getting to the point of being able to fully let go and move on with your life.
Trust me, I know firsthand how confusing (and impossible) this can feel. How can you move on, when you don’t even know which direction your life is moving toward?! Your plans have been completely derailed, and you’re left feeling… stuck.
When it comes to letting go, I’ve learned three universal realities:
It takes hard, consistent work to heal and let go. It doesn’t just spontaneously happen.
Nobody WANTS to remain stuck in the past. We all want to feel happy.
You are 100% capable of LETTING GO, you just need to allow it and stop holding on to your past.
Moving on certainly doesn’t feel like a choice when you’re hurting. Most likely, you’re not consciously choosing to live in the shadows of your former life. Nobody does. We all want to move on… we just aren’t taught how.
For me, it sometimes felt like I was stuck in quicksand. My mind knew where it wanted to be, but I didn’t know how to get there. Sometimes, it felt like I physically couldn’t either. It felt way too difficult, and I didn’t feel ready.
::: TRUTH ALERT! :::
These are the EXCUSES we tell ourselves.
In reality, you are MORE than capable of climbing out of your quicksand, right now. You already are ready. There is zero benefit to you, or anyone else, to keep spending your life feeling hurt or stuck in the past.
Maybe this isn’t what you want to hear, and perhaps I even made you feel a bit annoyed with me. That’s OKAY. I’m here to tell you what you NEED to hear, so you can start feeling good and claiming your BADASS LIFE! I’m not here to feed you sugarcoated, feelgood advice that keeps you stuck in misery. Speaking of which…
::: MORE TRUTH! :::
That’s why I needed a coach. It’s also why I think you should consider one, too. I’ll explain…
Friends and family are great when you need a hug, or someone to listen while you vent. I’m not downplaying the importance of that, because it’s SO great to have these sources of support in your life.
The well-intentioned advice of family and friends isn’t what you need to get you out of the slump you’re stuck in. You don’t need flowers and wine when you’re stuck in the bottom of a well. You need someone to roll up their sleeves, climb in there with you and tell you what you need to do in order to GET OUT OF IT!
When I was going through my divorce, I so greatly needed the kick in the ASS my coach so lovingly provided. SHE got me to climb out of my own self-pity. She didn’t buy the excuses I tried to sell her. She didn’t give me fluffy advice. She told me what I NEEDED to hear.
She saved me.
So, what did I learn? How did I shift out of my slump and start living like the freaking Rockstar I was born to be?
Here are a few things to start working on…TODAY!
FORGIVE YOURSELF. Completely. You did your best, with the knowledge and tools you had. Beating yourself up won’t help anything.
The pain that’s living inside your heart should not be welcome anymore. Evict it. Set it free. Save that space for love and happiness and all the good things that are around you, now and in the future.
Let the past STAY THERE. Learn to respond from the present.
Stop focusing on the dreams/plans you had for your future. Plans change all the time. Different doesn’t equal worse. When you let yourself believe that, it causes you to resist accepting NEW dreams for the future.
Connect with people going through what you are. Find your community.
Take care of YOU. Give yourself permission to make yourself a priority.
With my clients, I help them to:
Design a NEW dream or plan for their future. Something they truly connect with and look forward to.
Let GO of their sob story.
Forgive themselves and the people who hurt them, knowing that when they carry those feelings, it only keeps them from feeling free.
Build courage and strength.
No matter where you are in your journey, I want you to know that I wholeheartedly believe in you. I believe you have every ability to create your future into one that makes you feel complete: with love for yourself, those you care for, and your purpose. I hope that you refuse to settle for anything less, because YOU are a Rockstar!