How to Take Back Control of Your Divorce

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Are you bracing yourself for a traumatic divorce and unsure where to start? The truth is, you have more control over the divorce experience than you think. 

Credentialed mediator and divorce coach Paulette Rigo was inspired by her own relationship experience to find a way to help her clients stay in control and out of court throughout the divorce process.

Listen in as Paulette and I discuss the common mistakes women make during divorce and how they can make better decisions by surrounding themselves with the right kind of support. We’ll also explore Paulette’s Better Divorce Blueprint and how she’s helping women overcome fears, handle trauma, and align with the right professionals to create an empowering and safe experience.

Three Things You’ll Love About This Episode:

(9:57) Learn what happens when we trust our spouse to “do the right thing” when it comes to finances

Paulette shares the impact of placing too much trust in our partners to make financial decisions when it comes to the divorce process

(12:19) Know how to transition when your attorney isn’t a good fit

The legal process of divorce can be overwhelming. Find out Paulette’s advice for bringing in a new person to your legal team if your current attorney isn’t working out.

(14:17) Identify the seven different types of abuse

Understand the warning signs of abuse and how those experiences can impact your legal case and your life after the papers are filed.

Guest Bio

PAULETTE RIGO is a Credentialed Mediator, (CDC) Certified Divorce Coach, Trauma-Informed Recovery Coach, Career Transition Specialist, Book Writing Coach, Speaker, Host and Author.

Her new soon to release “Better Divorce Blueprint” the Book, Planner, Course and No Matter What card deck, Thriving in Chaos Project Podcast, Best Life Ever Private Island Retreats and Better Divorce Academy are tools she created and utilizes to help her clients create an optimal divorce experience and the new life chapter they deserve and desire.

It is Paulette’s personal 8.5 year litigated and appellant experience and expertise that makes her so skilled in allowing her clients to stay in control, stay out of court (if possible) maintain their dignity, create the right team of professionals from the early stage of contemplation to the necessary final steps of healing using practical tools, inspiration and a proven wellness model.


Episode Transcript:

Wendy (00:01):

Hello everybody. And welcome to another episode of the divorced woman’s guide podcast. I am so happy that you have decided to tune in today because I am here with Paulette Rigo. Did I pronounce that correctly? You did awesome. Hello, Paula, how are you?

Paulette (00:20):

Excellent. So glad I’m here. Thanks Wendy.

Wendy (00:22):

Okay. Of course. Thank you for being here. And I’m really looking forward to our conversation today because Paulette and I were chatting right before this, around, what do we want to talk about today? And what I wanted her to speak to were some of the most common mistakes that she sees her clients make. And many of you probably don’t understand or don’t even know that you’re already making them. So before we dive in today, I would love to introduce everybody to Paulette. She is a credentialed mediator. She is a certified divorce coach, otherwise known as the CDC. She is a trauma informed recovery coach, a career transition specialist, a book writing coach, a speaker, a host, as well as an author and her soon to be released divorce, excuse me, better divorce blueprint. The book planner course, and no matter what car deck thriving in chaos, project podcast, best life ever, private Island retreats and better divorce Academy are some of the many tools that she has created to help her clients to create the most optimal divorce experience and a new life and chapter that they so deserve and desire.

Wendy (01:39):

And it’s Paulette personal eight and a half year litigated and Apple and experience and expertise that makes her so incredibly skilled and allowing her clients to stay in control, to stay out of court, if possible, to maintain their dignity, create the right team of professionals from the early stage of contemplation, to the necessary final steps of healing using practical tools, inspiration, and approven wellness model. My goodness, Paulette, you have so much experience. And I know that the work that you do it has, has inspired you along the way. So I’d love for you to share with our audience today. What inspired you to do the work that you do today? Please share your story.

Paulette (02:23):

Hmm. You know, Wendy it’s, excuse me. It’s a daunting to listen to you say that because, uh, if you and I were to have this conversation five years ago, 10 now not 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago. And you were to say that I was doing all those things. It’d be like, what are you drinking and smoking no way in hell. I want to do that work. Um, and I was really excited to see, I just got the prototype of my card too big. There are four by six. I want them to be three by five, but Hey, you know, printing is a work in progress. But back to that segue quickly, I mean, you told a little bit of it. I try to weave it in there. In fact, every conversation I have always starts with, like, why do you do what you do?

Paulette (03:08):

But, um, I really grew up as a little girl in Boston, Massachusetts, and I wanted to be Jane Pauley. That’ll help, you know, who the hell Jane Pauley is, but she was like, dude, the goddess of the today show in the eighties and the nineties. And I went to college for journalism. I wanted to be in radio and TV. And I did that. And then, um, my mother owned a ballet school. I was born into a dancing family. My mother owned a rather well-known dance studio, performing arts studio in the Boston area. And 20 years later I found myself still there when I was just subbing a few classes when I was 19. Um, but in the midst of that, I met my, my boyfriend at 17. Like, isn’t that sweet? And I know it’s like, I just say it. I get I’m. I think I’m blushing.

Paulette (03:55):

I’m blushing a little bit, um, a little bit. Yeah, I was 17 and, um, you know, it wasn’t my first boyfriend, but he was the one that I thought, Oh, you know, we dated seven years. I was 22, we got married. And, you know, I found that, um, I really wasn’t prepared for marriage. I was 17 and 22. I didn’t know my, you know what, for my, you know what, and I realized, uh, 10, 15, 20 years into it with the house and the kids and, and I’ve loved so much about my life, but I also didn’t feel like I fit in. It just felt like I was wearing someone else’s shoes. I felt like I was brushing my teeth with somebody else’s toothbrush. It just kind of weird and achy. Um, to me, like it just felt uncomfortable, right. So I realized 20 years into the marriage that I didn’t really marry a man.

Paulette (04:46):

I married a family and I find many women realize that, but not early enough. And that’s okay if you’re from that type of family. Um, I know, and I’m not saying it was an arranged marriage by any means, but it was definitely a marriage that was overwhelming for me. And I never quite felt comfortable. So, um, fast forward I left the dance world behind left social media world behind and really just indoctrinate indoctrinated myself into being a full-time mom. And that journey was wonderful. Um, in many ways I miss it, but it still felt like, Hm, how did I get here? There’s a song by talking heads and it’s once in a lifetime. And that song came on the radio, uh, this ain’t my beautiful house. This isn’t, I don’t think it says age. This isn’t my beautiful house. This isn’t my beautiful wife. How did I get here?

Paulette (05:41):

And that was me. I was like, wait, Oh, I’m the, I’m the wife like, Oh, and I just felt like this was not really the relationship and the marriage that I, um, you know, signed up for, shall we say? And, um, come to find out after I left the dance world and filed for divorce. And when I realized that marriage was not really comfortable and, and fulfilling, um, I endured an eight and a half year litigated trial and appellate process. So from February of eight to 12 and two 16, it really became a journey. And so many people reached out to me. My case became quite well known. And a lot of people at re most predominantly women asked me for help. Um, I called my attorney. He said, should I go to law school? And he said, sure, you’d be one hell of a lawyer.

Paulette (06:31):

You should think about it. And I was like, are you kidding me? So I did become a credentialed mediator, certified divorce coach and all those other 20 things that you said that I did, which still seems kind of strange. So my journey was one based on others saying, can you help? And, uh, when, uh, you know, being, uh, I ran a dance studio, I ran a children’s modeling agency. I’m a birth doula, I’m macrobiotic cook a yoga teacher trainer. Like I’m, I’m a giver. I’m a, I’m one of those women that loves to help and serve others. So this was a natural transformation from the work I was already doing evolutionary into the work that I do now. And they’re really able to take that Le that brain, that I can work with a legal person, but it can also work with somebody in a very woo uh, forget the phrase stage because I have that weird Ayurvedic, macrobiotic yoga training that is really indoctrinated into my life of living your best life. Um, but I can also make the best of mediation and lawyers and fiduciaries. And my husband’s is EDLP. And I hang out with CDFs and like, I get both things. So it’s an unusual circumstance, but that’s why I do what I do to help others.

Wendy (07:46):

Yeah. I love that. And your story is so rooted in authenticity and the wealth of knowledge that you have to be able to support your clients is beautiful because not only have you been through it, but you’ve got all these different lenses that you’re bringing to the table. So, um, and I know that given the work that you do, that you are in the throes of what people are experiencing throughout the divorce process, because, you know, as you know, everybody’s experience is very unique, it’s very different, and I’m sure you see clients make a lot of smart decisions. And then you also see clients who make some mistakes, or perhaps they make mistakes before they even get to you. So I would love to kind of, you know, rip open the curtain on this for our audience today and share your wisdom with them so that they don’t make these mistakes as they’re going through their own process.

Paulette (08:42):

It’s painful to rip the bandaid off. You know, I love the way you said that, but it’s best to do it. And it’s best to do it before the mistakes get made. It’s painful to look back and say, Oh, what was I? And that’s why I named what I do better divorce Academy. I would have loved to call it best divorce Academy, but there is no best divorce. Well maybe in some cases, but it also stands for before, during and after better divorce Academy. So the before is that place of confusion and overwhelm and contemplation and 70% of divorce is filed by women and too many women internally had that dialogue with themselves silently, personally, to themselves before they even have the courage to utter those words, I want a divorce or I’m unhappy to their hairdresser, let alone their therapist. They’re the bar tender the woman at the behind the, the grocery counter, or do we even do those things anymore, but for the day, but it’s a little weird now, like, you know, but it’s different in the sense that the time that you spend confused sets you up for making that decision.

Paulette (09:57):

So this is where I’m going to just rip the band-aid open. So the first thing is that they trust their spouse to do the right thing. It’s just that they trust their spouse to do the right thing. And I know, I know you’re married for love. I get it. Didn’t we all and love is supposed to conquer all and last forever. But the thing is when emotions are involved and money is involved and children are involved, that’s rarely the case. So I always say plan for the worst and hope for the best number two is they can find in the wrong people. That could be anyone, but you just don’t know your BFF, your neighbors, siblings, parents, coworkers, boss, whomever. They all come with their own set of baggage and advice and judgment. And that’s not necessarily bad, but it’s very important that you don’t confide in the wrong people. So number three is they hired the wrong attorney. This is an expensive and lengthy mistake. And it’s important that you match the demeanor to your demeanor, your style, and also the complexity of the case. In my opinion, you should probably interview several before you jump and get into the one for you. And you know what, it’s a marriage too. If the relationship with your attorney, isn’t really working and not congruent, you can make a change. It’s not always easy, but don’t feel like, Oh, I’m handcuffed to this, this professional.

Wendy (11:32):

Yeah. And I think that sometimes people get afraid. It’s like, Oh God, I have to start over. You know, the case files have to be sent over. I’m going to have to download this person. And then they just talk themselves out of it. When at the end of the day, they know that’s the best choice. So what is some advice that you can share with our audience around, you know, so many times we think of negatives, but we don’t focus on the positives of that. Could you talk a little bit more

Paulette (11:56):

About that? You mean regarding staying with the same attorney, no leaving.

Wendy (12:03):

They realize that it’s the wrong fit, but they’re, you know, they’re deterred because they think it’s going to be so much work, you know, there’s consequences with staying and then there’s consequences with leaving. But sometimes the leaving consequences don’t get discussed.

Paulette (12:19):

Yeah. I’m not pro leaving or staying my job as is the work I do is to make sure that it’s a good fit, right. It’s or do they come, are they communicating with you in such a way that it’s effective and you feel heard because you’re paying the bills, it’s your divorce. They’re there to advocate for you in the legal realm to make sure that you’re really going through the course of actions legally and you’re protected. The advantage to changing is sometimes gaining momentum, a new person will spark a new approach, a new way of looking at it there, perhaps some other attorney that just wasn’t seeming to get any momentum or a spark, the relationship also with the other attorney and how, um, well they’re suited to communicate with one another can be an, a factor. And also how well does the attorney know the judge?

Paulette (13:21):

If it is a litigated case, if it’s mediated, you know, how well do they collaborate and communicate with each other? So there are advantages if you’re stalled. Now, sometimes the courts are a little bit stalled in general. So you’re not looking to blame the attorney for the courts being a little bit messed up right now. But if you’re really in your heart of hearts, soul of souls know that this attorney is really not acting in my best interest, absolutely change, particularly in domestic violence cases. I think you need a specialist with them. Absolutely. And the next is that they, they really pray, hope and wish or wait for their spouse to change. If it’s a duck, it’s a duck. And if it’s quacks and all that, you know, that saying, in my opinion, people really are who they are. Yes. We can evolve and grow and take responsibility, pharma steaks, and mature, and you know, all that.

Paulette (14:17):

But really, um, what you see is what you get. And there’s a slim chance that during, uh, the, the times of high stress, that that is particularly when somebody will change. So the next one is they downplay or except the seven different types of abuse. Now I know physical abuse and sexual abuse are the two that get the press as they should, because they’re the ones that really get the most evidence, shall we say, right? Broken bones, bruises, um, but really comes to the mental, psychological, and emotional. It can be a little bit more hard, a little hard to detect. And that is really where they accept it. And the last two are financial abuse where you’re feeling completely in the dark and controlled with your finances. And lastly, what I call spiritual abuse when somebody is really trying to break your spirit much, like when we, you know, uh, uh, housebreak a puppy, I’m a dog lover.

Paulette (15:17):

So don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean any abusive of it, but you know, you don’t want your puppy peeing on the rug. So you, you try to no, no, you know, you’re breaking, breaking the dog of the habit of that. But when your spouse or your partner is really breaking you and you feel like your spirit is being broken, uh, habitually, then that is, um, something that you should just not tolerate. Next is being in the dark of your marital financial assets and liabilities. We tend to look at all that, well, what do you own? And then you’re like, Oh no, I’ve got all this debt. Or they have debt. And marital debt is joint debt and marital assets are joint assets. And being in the dark of those things are, um, detrimental to the future of your divorce. Yeah.

Wendy (16:03):

And I find too that I feel like the finances are such an urban area, especially for women that they struggle with because it’s fear of the unknown fear of not understanding. And many times they, you know, even in some cases they trust their spouse, but yet, or their soon to be ex spouse. Um, and at the end of the day, there could be tax implications that they’re not aware of, for example, and how their spouse is looking to divvy up the assets. Um, how often do you see that as a mediator?

Paulette (16:40):

Every day? Yeah. It’s sad to see one of the spouses, um, overly trusting the other spouse. Whereas they say something like, well, I just trusted that they were paying all the bills. And I just trusted that the taxes were being paid on time. I trusted that the, um, investments or the 401k or the Roth or the annuity or the life insurance policy, or you get the, the road I’m going down was in order and maintained and kept up, kept up to date. And whether you have, you know, $4,000 to invest $40,000 to invest 400,000 or, you know, millions, it being in the dark as being in the dark and B as being in the dark, there is no gray. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. You’re either financially aware or you’re financially unaware. It’s important that when you get married, you see that not only is there an efficient or a priest or a minister at the end of the aisle, but there’s also a legal binding contract. And you really need to understand that being in the dark about anything is setting yourself up for failure.

Wendy (17:59):

Yeah. And I will candidly say that there was a point in time where I was in the loop. And then there was a point in time where I stepped out of the loop. And if there is one thing that I learned the hardest was to never make that mistake again. And I also remember, I was so afraid to ask questions and I was afraid to look stupid that why don’t, you know what this means and why don’t, you know, what’s in our bank account or why don’t, you know, what our stocks and assets are outside of the house that we live in. And, you know, I think so many times we’re afraid of how we’re going to appear to other people because so many of us care, uh, about what other people think, especially our spouse. And we don’t want to come off like, Oh, well, maybe they’ll think we don’t trust them when it’s really just simply a matter of you just want to understand,

Paulette (18:50):

When did you join the club? Yeah. Thank you. We’re not alone that they flub and get to the back of the line, by the way. It’s not like, you know, Oh, this is an exclusive VIP club. It’s a very large community of us that are fit. Fill that bill. You just explained, I didn’t look at the tax returns for seven teen years. I mean, I just didn’t either care. I was apathetic or too busy, or I did care, but there was a, yeah, you can’t be bothered with that. You have other things to do. And I really just liked the fact that I didn’t have to deal with it, but it was a mistake and I don’t let my clients get away with it anymore. Yeah. Next is that they get involved in a new relationship to Sue and a big problem. Paving may sound like a fresh start and it can be, but not before both spouses have come to terms with the marriage dissolving and the children are aware and somewhat accepting of the next chapter and that you are emotionally ready to take on a new relationship.

Paulette (20:02):

Now I don’t mean dinner or going to the movies and do people do that anymore. And no, but now, right. I don’t mean that kind of thing, but when you’re really in a relationship, it’s a big mistake when you just jump in, they get in the cold dark waters, um, yeah. Expecting to swim it’s um, it can be messy and you don’t want to set yourself up for failure again, be sure you’re ready. Next is sharing any details or spousal attacks with the children. So details of the divorce and the actual attack. Um, yes, you’re human. You’re entitled to say what you feel and feel you say, but that’s why you have a journal, a therapist, a coach, a friend, a hairdresser, um, whomever, um, go swear in the shower, kick spit foam at the mouth and do whatever you want. But when the children are in earshot and be careful, they have really good ears.

Paulette (21:06):

They hear a pin drop when it comes to divorce. Just don’t go there. Even if you have to smile by your tongue and say, I don’t know, I can’t remember is just being cordial. A little bit of sarcasm will go better than divulging. It’s an ugly road in one shoe. Uh, engage in that. It’s a very hard to backtrack. Kids does slippery slope. It is yep. Number nine, lowering themselves to argue, yell, name, call, or engage in what I call text warfare, ugly. Pardon my French it’s um, tenting. Right. And when I went through my divorce, texting was just so new and chic and cool. And we didn’t really realize that 85% of evidence in divorce comes from social media, texting and email. So oopsie. Um, don’t go there. Just, um, go to the BIF F fruit, brief, informational, friendly, and firm, um, and thank them and just do once. Once you go into that, once you go text, you can’t go back. No,

Wendy (22:15):

And you know, it’s interesting because that, I w I was so guilty of that. And it had to, I finally had to stop and go, wait a second. I am not convert. Like that was one of the boundaries I sat with my now ex husband was that no more texting, because tone is hard to read as well. And you know, you with texts, you tend to be very reactive when you get to take the time to actually respond. And to your point, anything in writing can be used against you when you’re doing your case. And so, you know, I, I have so many regrets in how I handled communication. And at the same time, it, you know, I had to learn my lesson. I tend to learn lessons the harder way. And, uh, you know, so now what I always tell people is like you said, pick up the phone and call your best friend, scream in the shower, get it out, and then come from a place of actually responding thoughtfully as though God forbid, this could become evidence again, you know, in your case, at some point that’s an important lens, right?

Paulette (23:21):

And one more time you joined the club, you know, you’re not alone. So if you find yourself, you know, falling into the prey of any of these things, I’ve given you this, this isn’t a lecture. This is really just an awareness and a reminder. And the last three are 10 throwing the towel, throwing in the towel on any outcome, like any outcome, just to be done with that feeling of like, I will accept anything just so I can say, Allah Lou again, amen. I am over this. You know, we both want the divorce to be fast, efficient and painless, right? I mean, most couples, I want it to be fast, efficient, painless, and cheap. Right. But chances are it. Won’t be so revisiting persistence, patience and perseverance will be your best friend. Uh, not to say that you want to, you know, um, drag it out. But if you can learn to not just accept any old thing, just to get it done with it, we’ll set yourself up for the new chapter that you really do need, uh, to secure your future and that of your children and to not have regrets and look back and maintain your dignity. So, yeah, because I tell

Wendy (24:40):

My clients all the time, too, like you can’t go back and just because you want, I mean, I remember saying it to, I just want to be done. I just want to be fricking done. And every time I said that, my lawyer would say like, Wendy, I want you to take 24 hours. See if you still feel the same way, if you do, that’s totally fine, but let’s take 24 hours. It’s not gonna make or break. And you know, the one thing I think you said that I want to make sure that everybody hears is that you can’t go back and going back is going to cost you 10 times as much as you just taking a day,

Paulette (25:16):

Taking a day to think

Wendy (25:17):

And make sure that that is in your future selves, best interests, that that is in your children’s futures, best interest. So I really want to highlight that because all I hear is I just want to be done. Why can’t this be done? Why is it taking forever? Welcome to the land of divorce? It takes

Paulette (25:37):

Time. Divorced taught me to be resilient, absolutely divorced, taught me to be patient and such a level and layer of my soul and DNA that I did not know existed. You don’t know how impatient I am. Wendy. My husband will tell you my second husband, I pace. I am fidgety. I fluff pillows. I am my refrigerator. All the labels are facing front. My pantry is driving me nuts right now because I just bought all those pretty little containers. And I haven’t had time to put them in the little pretty containers. I only use one type of wooded, white hanger, and my clothes are color coded. Like I am so ridiculously over the top, organized and impatient that if things aren’t perfect, well, it’s not making my day. So you take someone like me and put them through an eight and a half year divorce. Do you see why I do what I do?

Paulette (26:39):

Like it’s just not in my nature patient and persistent and, and have that perseverance and resiliency, but I have it now much more so than I ever would have. Then that is where you take the lesson of what, what it has given me and the scale in which I’m able to take impatient high conflict cases and get them to be at a place, but they are manageable and resilient too. So the last two, and these can be sometimes the most challenging number 11 thinking social media is harmless fun. It’s not social media is the old is only second to texting. And 85% of divorce evidence comes from social media. So if it isn’t a rainbow, a butterfly, a puppy dog, or a cute little meme about how much you love sunsets and, and you know, the ocean like don’t go there. I always suggest I try to emphasis that most women delete their social media during the duration of their, of their divorce. Most of them look at me like I’ve just asked them to capitate their right arm or cut up their head or whatever. They’re cutting off their body. And it’s like, Ugh, I can’t do it. Like they’re addicted to it. And depending on their age, um, which social media is the most egregious of that, it is not harmless fun. So when in doubt, delete it, if you can manage to have the courage and rise above the temptation to sneak a peak and stock others. Amen.

Wendy (28:16):

I unfollowed, as soon as we separated, I unfollowed him. I blocked him. I just didn’t want to know. I unfriended people from his circles because I just, it was it. I knew it was going to do more damage than it was going to do. Good. And what I always say, like, even though I, you know, I wanted to know, I knew knowing was gonna cause me so much more pain. There is bliss and ignorance. Um, you know, especially

Paulette (28:43):

In divorce, right? Yeah. It’s a hard, and the younger sect, the, my youngest client right now is 19. My oldest is 73. Everything from having a toothbrush, a pair of jeans and an apartment to multi-million dollars of assets in a 51 year marriage. Um, that’s a very wide array of women out there that are caught. You know, it’s one thing that brings us together in a weird way. Right. Of like a sisterhood. Like you’ve been through divorce. I love you. Like, hell. Yeah. Like I’m I’m so your girl, like, I want to just run through and hug you and high five and drink wine with you and hang out. Right? It’s it’s like a, it’s a tribe. Um, but on the other hand, there’s a decorum and a time for all that. And social media can be a double edge sword. So be very, very careful.

Paulette (29:39):

It’s not harmless and laugh is ruining literally ruining your health and wellbeing as a result of mismanaging the stress, the anger, or fear or sadness or overwhelm of the divorce process. Your health comes first, children health, you know, but mean, what’s that saying? You know, you have nothing without your health. Well, you don’t. So if you are mismanaging your health, like you’re overeating or drinking, dry, whatever you’re doing to cope, if it isn’t in balance and alignment with your wellness, here’s the yoga teacher training, Ayurvedic practitioner, birth doula coming out, um, stop it. Just stop it, get help. It’s it’s gonna come back to bite you in the divorce and you’re going to look back and go, what was I doing? Yes. We all need moments of celebration. There’s nothing while we’re sipping champagne, like that’s fine, but we want to make sure that you really not ruining your actual health and mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual wellbeing. You’ve got to keep it together and you’ve got to come out of this better. Not worse.

Wendy (30:47):

Exactly. And I always say it’s so important to have a team because everybody specializes in their own area. You know, I had a therapist, I had a coach, I had a financial advisor. I had an attorney and each one I knew who I got to go to for what? And it was so important and helpful in my recovery process that, you know, I love that you have the same, you know, opinion and view around the importance of having a team because you, you know what you don’t know, and it’s, it’s only gonna cost you more by pretending that you do. So those were some great, amazing tips. I hope that everybody listening, you should go back and listen, if you’re listening to this while you’re driving, obviously you’re going to want to write this down. So you’re going to want to go back and re-listen to this episode and write down all the incredible wisdom that Paulette shared with us today. Because at the end of the day, we want to make sure that you guys don’t make so many of the mistakes that we’ve seen other people make, including ourselves. We want to support you guys and wherever it is that you are Paulette, is there any other last tidbits of info that you want to share with our audience before we come to a conclusion,

Paulette (32:02):

You know, mistakes are easy to make when you’re stressed. And it’s a time of relentless self study. This is a time for self discovery, self understanding, and knowing exactly who you are, how you tick and being in alignment with living your core values. If you do not know your core values, um, I have a list of 230 of them. I’m happy to send you. You circle your top 25, narrowed down to five and you put them on a little three by five card and just paste them all over your house. It’s essential. You really know what you stand for and who you are. This list I just find is a downloadable PDF on my website. So take notes please do, but it just go to better divorce There are so many free resources on there. That’s why I sat there and said, okay, if I was at the beginning of my divorce, uh, eight and a half year of a trial, I had literally a trial, um, suicide, bounty orders, gatekeepers, you name it.

Paulette (33:09):

Uh, affidavit’s you name it? Um, uh, and then the appellant process. Not many people have to go through the appellant process. I said to myself, what would I have needed to get my butt through what I endured? And I created it. So there’s so many free resources, nevermind. The fact of the PDFs I’ve adored divorce, predictor quiz on there. I think there’s like 20 blog posts that are all downloadable, but th this is called the 12 worst divorce mistakes women make, just download it. It’s free. No worries about it. Um, I also mostly work with women through before, during and after. I don’t do as much of the healing work that you do, Wendy. Um, because they need that direction. I also made the a two. So it depends on the case that by if I coach I don’t mediate. If I mediate, I don’t coach, although I use those skills in both realms and they overlap a bit, but it’s so easy to lose sight of who you are during this process and make sure that you don’t do that.

Wendy (34:14):

Yeah. And Paula, thank you so much for being my guest today and for sharing your wisdom and so many incredible free resources. I want to repeat again, her website is better divorce You guys can go on there and grab any number of these incredible free downloadable resources to help you navigate wherever it is that you guys are in the process. Paulette, thank you for joining me today.

Paulette (34:40):

Such an honor, Wendy, you’re a rock star in the divorce world and I’m so proud of you and the work you’re doing.

Wendy (34:46):

Thank you, sweetie. The same to you and everybody tuning in. Thank you so much for joining us with every single episode that I do. I’m always aiming to try to support you wherever it is that you are and that you get to walk away from each one of these episodes with at least one nugget of information for you to navigate wherever it is that you are in your process. Thank you so much for joining me in today’s episode. I can’t wait to talk to you guys in my next one as always sending you tons of love, light enjoy. Wow. Bye everybody.



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