How To Let Go and Just Do The Thing You’ve Always Wanted with Stacey Lauren

How are you guys doing today it is Wendy your host otherwise known as The Divorced Woman’s Guide and I want to remind you guys to hit subscribe so that you don’t miss a single episode.

Because I have one that comes out every single week and if you’re not in my Facebook group yet you gotta get in there it’s an amazing community of women who are supporting each other every single day and it’s called the Divorce Rehab with Wendy.

So thank you all for tuning into today’s episode and I am very excited because I am joined by my friend Stacy Lauren. Hello Stacy how are you? Hey Wendy how are you?

I’m great I’m so excited to talk to you today and listeners we are gonna talk about how it is that each of you gets to start letting go and just do the thing that you’ve always wanted and we’re gonna talk a little bit more about what do the thing means. But before we dive in let me share a little bit more with you all about Stacy.

So Stacy is a true serial entrepreneur and carries many titles including CEO, founder, owner, podcaster , investor, and author she wears them all while embracing human to human connections. While in college and unlikely start selling books door to door instill the solid work ethic and resilience in her these skills launched her on an upward trajectory to become a leader in sales, HR, customer service and management.

She co founded and scaled a successful staffing agency building high touch relationships to resolve the disconnect between employers and job seekers. Her current labor of love is interviewing high achieving inspirational people for her do the thing podcast each awe inspiring episode and story reveals a formula that encourages listeners to go after what it is that they want in life, to set goals and do the thing.

Which we’re gonna have Stacy expand on in a moment but Stacy I would love for you I know I just shared a little bit more about your bio but ultimately, what really inspired you, what took you on this journey to do the work that you do today with specifically the podcast.

Yeah it’s such a great question I think it was inspired really from what I saw in my stopping company cause I hired you know thousands of people and I worked with companies to hire people and it was really just getting to see the patterns of what got in people’s way you know. 

Just people that wouldn’t take certain positions because they were scared or you know had self doubt and just seeing people just not be who they were meant to be and then I got divorced. 

Which was a whole thing in itself and then several years later I ended up exiting the staffing company and that’s when I decided to write my book and it’s still in process but I’m considering myself an author because I’m writing it % legit. That’s when it was originally gonna be a sales book, because sales is kind of how I’ve been able to get through life because I’m not scared to really risk anything because I know I can always make money.

Since I know how to sell if that makes sense yes and so I was writing a sales book and then all of a sudden I started dating this is after I exited my business I started dating and I realized that a lot of the skills that I had Learned in sales were applicable to dating.

And I’m not talking about like closing or like you know how you present yourself I’m talking about like handling rejection and you know just confidence and goal setting and things like that.

Positive thinking and it just made dating a little bit more fun for me and that’s when I realized I was in my mastermind one day and I was like talking about the sales book and then I mentioned the dating thing and I’m like I just wanna help people do the thing and then that’s when do the thing really got spurned and so it got spurned out of me wanting to write this book but what really happened kind of through the process it was really my reidentification of myself.

Because by me acting activating my voice through the podcast I got to learn who I was and I got to connect to people in such a deep meaningful way and I just felt not alone anymore and it just made me feel more alive with the things that I was doing and I got to notice really what was even getting in my way of doing the thing because it was like I was doing the thing in my life but not always doing it for me.

I was doing it for what I thought people expected of me or what I wanted to do for others and so that’s been at work. That’s still in process is me learning to do the thing and then help inspire others to do the thing for what’s truest to that not because others think they should do it or because they think others want them to

Yeah I think that is so incredibly relatable I know I can relate. I know so many of our listeners are going oh my god that’s totally me you know so many of us come from that desire to people please and you know you and I have even talked about with my story so many times or my whole life up until my divorce I was you know living the version of me that everybody else saw and you know I love you know the other thing that’s coming up too is that my perspective on dating.
It’s so interesting we have so many synchronicities Stacy my whole perspective on dating is really kind of test driving this new identity right like getting confident being this new version of yourself like that’s what I love. You know when my clients get to that point they’re ready to start dating so I just I love that you said it that way and how essentially do the thing was really inspired from your own passion and it I know that this whole mission around it comes from your heart and it’s really about the whole woman the whole person. Who you know it’s not just one area of life it’s in every single area. So let’s dive into the formula can we do that?

Yeah I’d love to okay so so talk to me about how you created this formula around what do the thing means. Yeah the formula is like it’s everything. Because I was writing the book and then a friend of mine who’s a book strategist told me to interview people because I was blocked in my story.
I couldn’t think of the bad parts of my do the thing story and she’s like well in order to really have this book be any good you’re gonna have to find other people’s stories then and find the bad parts of their story like the struggle parts. You know right? And so then I was like well I’m gonna be interviewing people I might as well turned it into a podcast and that’s a story on its own we could probably do a whole another episode of you could listen to my podcast for that but you know cause you when you start something new it’s always a struggle. So anyway I started interviewing people and I realized that people started having so my whole goal while I’m interviewing them is let me dissect the patterns – what gets people to do the thing- cause I noticed for me I had common patterns of what was letting me be able to do the things that I wanted and so I started interviewing people.

On the first like episodes I’m like you can hear me real time processing what the person’s formula is and so I’m starting to like go okay you have mindset, and you used you identified your why and oh you did goal setting and so I’m starting to like really do that and then I think it was by episode the formula started to crystallize where I started to see the patterns.

And that’s when I decided to do my first challenge and we’ll get into that later I’m sure but and then that’s when I tested the formula. So the formula is it’s an acronym and it’s I’m game which is a really cool haha name our mutual friend actually Deb she helped me finalize the name which was really cool.

Yeah and the I in I’m game is identify the y and you hear this a lot right people talk about identifying the y what’s your purpose, what’s your reason behind doing it but what they don’t realize like you actually have to do that, Like it’s not just like oh I know my why I’m gonna move on cause I did that.
When I would do programs I’d be like oh whatever I know this but really in order to complete the program or complete whatever it is you really do need to tap into it because when it gets hard if you don’t remember why you’re wanting to do it it’s so easy to stop.

And then the m is mindset remember on I’m right now in game I’m game Emma’s mindset and what I like to do is I really like to help people tap into what their excuses are first on why they don’t wanna why they don’t think they’ll be able to do it. Or what do they think’s gonna get in their way so they can already come up with the reasons why they can because when you’re first excited about something it’s really easy to say I wanna do it but then you know if it’s especially if you’re supposed to go Sunday at noon to whatever that thing is you’re like oh I’d much rather play pickleball or whatever it is. It’s gonna come up you know than do the thing so that’s why it’s good to already figure out your excuses ahead of time. What are your stories that you need to let go will go back into letting go as well and then in Game G is goals and through that that’s where I do dares and different things but goals in life.

So if you’re not doing a challenge I mean I like to a lot of people talk about smart goals I really like to talk about rough draft goal cause I think a lot of people think you have to know exactly what you wanna do before you can move but if you just have an idea called a rough draft that’s good enough. Then you can at least start and make one step towards the goal and then the a in game is accountability and I like that’s one of my favorite things because especially with like fitness for me that’s my hardest thing and I need more external accountability with fitness than anything else. So I have someone that I ride peloton with virtually I hike with a friend I like have to go to the gym and meet with the trainer like it’s like really for me I have to do those things for external accountability. Other things it’s just internal accountability you can just check a piece of paper and say you did it and so anyway the a is accountability and then the m is one of my favorite things it’s my people. My people a lot of people think it’s like minded people which are a lot of people talk about the five people you want around you around you those people are great I still say have those people. But if you wanna run a Marathon and you’re just have like supportive and encouraging friends but they’re not runners it’s really hard to run the Marathon. You have to be aroun people that are runners so my people are the people that want the same thing as you and that are doing the same thing and they are giving you the community and the connectedness to grow and so you can have like versions of my people depending on what you’re doing.

Because they don’t necessarily need to be your friends they just give you the the growth you know in the connectedness to be able to move and then the e in game is educate and educate is two parts. 

So educate is learning from mentors and YouTube videos and books asking for help all the stuff that everyone knows that they should be doing right but the other part of E is educate. But it’s educating others and that’s when you know just a little bit about that thing that you’re learning like maybe you’re two weeks in, three weeks in teach someone else because that’s gonna help you really internalize what the thing is and help you learn it better. Plus you’ll get that feeling of contribution and fulfillment by helping someone else and so that’s the formula’s been I’d so after dissecting it it’s almost been like the matrix I’ve been seeing it everywhere. Like step programs use it they just don’t talk about it cause it’s something that’s ingrained in their system some gyms that I’ve seen use it,  people use it it’s been it’s been pretty cool once it’s been dissected to really uncover all the different ways that it could be applied.

You know as you’re talking through each of the steps and obviously with the work that we do you know collectively it’s you know we run into so many people who even just coming up with their why is so hard for them right or even just you know I know that m and I’m is mindset but I I I know that a lot of people at the first start of it they go well that’s great that it worked for you it doesn’t work for me.

So typically that’s a lot of you know negative limiting beliefs that people are possessing. So how can we how can somebody who’s going like oh my God I love that and yet I’ve got this like rant happening in the back of my mind how can people work through that and just start to kind of let go of either stories or preconceived notions or you know any childhood you know stories really I guess it’s really childhood stories that we’ve heard growing up that keep us from living into that dream.

Yeah I’m so glad you asked that because I think a lot of people don’t see the the why behind releasing it too right and you’re actually able to release that chatter and I’m not saying you’re always gonna it’s gonna come back it’s gonna come to visit you no matter how much work you’ve done. It comes and says hi so every once in a while but it’s learning how to process it once it comes but when you can release the chatter your mind is then left open for just all of the abundant possibilities that you can do in life because the more noise that’s in your head the more it’s gonna hold you back and I think it’s understanding that like how the opportunity costs you know of what that mental chatter is for you. And the way I’ve been able to do that there’s this one challenge in particular that was my favorite one it was called the Find Your Voice Challenge and it was a day challenge where I had people basically record voice like a voice note in their phone so it was like a voice journal and I gave them a prompt every day because for me that’s the way that I have been able I mean I’ve had a lot of coaches, I’ve had therapy and I do, there’s several people that I do work with still pretty consistently so that’s always good. But using just having your phone as a way to like be a voice journal is like one of the best ways to release that mental chatter because once you get it out of your head I mean it has a place it’s like okay you can stay there. And then I can listen to it if I want and I’m like oh interesting how is that serving me and then you can release it a lot easier and so that’s I think the No. way I would recommend people really start to kind of let go of that all that stuff that we want to release is just by releasing it in your phone.

I mean I even did a dare it was a venting voice note I wouldn’t let people share it in the group but I wanted them to do it because when do we really get permission to just vent and not get feedback from another person and so just vent and then it’s kinda cool you can listen back and see what really upset me, what was going on, and it like it actually helps you get to know yourself better cause sometimes when you see what upsets you that’s when you get to see what your values are. So there’s a benefit it’s like realizing there’s nothing wrong about how you’re feeling, the way you’re feeling is the way you’re feeling, and what can I learn from from that and to me like that’s a great thing to learn is oh that this must be a really high value for me. And then I think once you accept these parts of yourself is when you’re really able to live into the person that you want to be.

Yeah I love that. and what’s coming up for me around what you just said to is by doing that it’s also distinguishing that those negative voices, limiting beliefs,  they’re not you like they are not you they are a recording of a voice that has been ingrained in you but it’s so many times we think it’s ourselves talking to ourselves so you know. But at the end of the day you know the way that I like to teach my clients is that like it’s not their voice. Like that is just not their voice and if they want to know what their voice sounds like they get to create what the thought is right? Then write a new story that’s not your voice. So write something new that’s gonna align with what it is that you want where it is that you wanna go, how it is that you wanna feel, like so many times when like typically our thoughts right you get the negative belief, then impact our feelings and it’s all about kind of rewriting the script and having it be well what’s the feeling underneath right?

I love the part about replaying it because then it’s like wait how was I actually feeling and then to create a new thought based on what that feeling is and I don’t think that we I feel like you know again we live in a world where it’s like to do to do to do to check check stuff up every five seconds and you know feel accomplished. Versus like slowing down, like slow your roll, get present really think about how it is that you are speaking, recognize what the voice is inside of you, and then make a choice if you if you wanna keep listening to it.

Let me ask you honestly how’s that serving you like be honest with yourself how’s that serving you? And if you wanna change the voice then you have the power to change it right? So many of us think that we’re powerless against it oh here it goes the script is running amok again you know and we just let it we give it power, we give it energy, we give it permission instead of taking that back and going no I’m not gonna listen to this today like no.

So what are some other obstacles that you run up against with people in your community when they’re doing the thing doing a challenge with you like what are some other obstacle common obstacles that you that you experience that people are running up against as they are living their dreams, trying to live their dreams?

Well the beautiful part about divorce you know is that you really get this get this awakening right where you’re finally getting to reset into who you are cause this whole other time you’ve been living for someone else and right and not I wanna speak for everyone generalized but a lot of the people that I’m running into myself included, like you’re repressing how you felt you’re like falling someone else’s dream you know and not speaking up for your own needs. So you’re like that’s what I like is is being able to get people at this point of just like breaking free from all of that and it’s almost like a release because you really get to know who you are.

You know again and I think one of the hardest things and I’m kind of dealing with this right now with a few people is having being able to trust the process right. Like I give these I give these dares, yeah I give these dares and I’m like okay just do the dares activate your voice and while there’s so many people doing it and they’re doing it really well. There’s a few people that are like keep asking me questions but they haven’t done the dares yet you know and I’m like just let it let it release and just follow the process and just do the dares. So I just saw one of them today she started doing them and what I mean by the dare so a dare is like right now I’m in the podcast challenge it says start up starting your own podcast. So I went from really big we started with the dating dare challenge and then then I realized people needed more support in loving themselves right because like dating app culture is exhausting and I wanted to like get them back to a place of love. So that’s when I did the find your Voice challenge and then I went into starting a book challenge and then now I’m doing a start a podcast challenge and then the next one is gonna be a get fit challenge.

So anyway there’s just different challenges to give them, personal growth to build them into the best person and so some of the dares are like if you were gonna start a podcast what would be? What would your podcast be about you know and then another one is like tell us about your podcast and then another one is how do you want the person to feel when they listen to your podcast. So but the word podcast is meant to be like expansive it doesn’t have to be a podcast it’s really like you’re doing these dares and it’s just a way of you activating your voice if it turns into a podcast great if it doesn’t it’s just a mechanism to learn yourself learn about yourself. So anyway so a few people were messaging me just saying like oh and what do you think do you think I should have listeners on like who do you think I should you know have do this and what about the mic and all these things? I’m just like do the dares there but it’s like the it’s the pattern of like seeking the external validation and you’re like trust right trust in you, trust that you know what it’s supposed to look like like just go with it.

It doesn’t I feel like we strive for this ideal of what it you know it’s supposed to look like or this idea of perfection which doesn’t exist and you know I think divorce is also been a huge catalyst of learning how to trust yourself. How to trust your gut, how to trust your intuition, and just go with it. Like if you hear that voice inside listen to it it’s the one that’s really quiet it’s not the loud one it’s the quiet one that’s like hey I’m here right you gotta turn the volume down.

On the negative yeah and you gotta turn the volume up on the intuition and the gut and the positive like that’s what I’m hearing is really what these challenges are really inspiring these women to do and what happens when they trust what happens what are the results that you see right? How do these women feel when at the end of the challenge they’re doing the thing it’s amazing.

I mean some of them are like I can’t believe this I signed up for a dating challenge, now I have a podcast like they’re just they can’t even believe like what’s happening and one woman she keeps she’s calling herself a badass she’s amazing actually her podcast is called healing words. She interviews authors of books where their words heal them actually I should connect you with her I know I was like oh I love to talk to her just thinking this would be really great. She’s amazing and she actually co hosted the sort of book challenge with me and it’s just amazing their lives get changed you know and it’s not because of anything that I’ve set up it’s because they’re doing the work you know they’re doing the dares and the dares compound and it’s cause I think cause they’re simple and easy and they’re fun.

It’s called a dare I mean who doesn’t wanna do a dare you know right? It starts with I dare you and it just gives you a different lens to have more courage and I’ve listed a few of them they’re nothing that’s super complicated. They could do it in a minute right after like days or five weeks or whatever.

The challenge that I’m doing is it just compounds into this really beautiful thing so it really just gets you to go outside your comfort zone, build confidence, so you can see things are possible and then you get to see the doors open as you’re as you’re moving.

Yeah can you share more about like what some people are seeing? Like what’s happening in their lives? Like how are their lives changing as a result of completing these challenges?

So I have one um Deblin she’s a therapist and she started the podcast through this um opening doors that’s why it’s so funny whenever I say doors opening I always think of her. She’s even saying how she’s using it now with her clients because she’s gotten to see such a huge difference with her and then just even with the dating challenge she mentioned how um one of the dares was go to a bar by yourself cause a lot of people will wait for someone to go to a bar with and while I’m not saying like you guys need to go meet someone at a bar it just gives you like permission to do things by yourself. Not wait for a partner you know yeah and she said by just even that one dare she ended up going to the American Legion which had a bar and now she’s like interviewing veterans and helping veterans. So who would have even known one dare of going to bar go to a bar by yourself you know like to to meet people for dating now she’s like starting this whole new thing so that’s one example. And then I have Natalie started her own Facebook group after after one of the challenges and it’s an amazing now she’s creating the space for all these people to do the thing you know and it get connected in a different way you know? It’s like it’s been really beautiful she coho she hosted actually one of the challenges in my group the book attached which if you guys haven’t read.

Yeah so good.

We did a book club on that and she hosted it every week and did like a reading and we’re able to everyone was able to get more into it and so and it was cool it was her idea. She’s like can I run this in the group and I was like sure and then it was great cause it got me to see kind of what do the thing can do with having other people host things as well right?

So what I’m hearing is when we allow ourselves to do something uncomfortable there’s always growth on the other side right? And it’s really leaning into the discomfort not pain you guys there’s a difference but leaning into the discomfort and trusting that there’s something big on the other side I mean I will tell you like that is how I wound up doing the work I do today like. I went into this life coaching thing and I didn’t know what I was going up against. I knew nobody walking into this room I was terrified terrified and because I just said you know what Wendy like just do it like just do the thing . Just get in there Wendy right and I let myself be vulnerable in this room. It was a safe confidential place so I knew that I could go there and you guys like I’m sitting here now you know six years later having living my best life and had I had I given into the fear of you know the stories and the unknowns and all of this stuff what are people gonna think of me right running you know if I if I let my stories and my fear take over I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I love those examples because by those people just doing it it’s like all of a sudden like their whole perspective their whole world just opened up right and that’s when the possibility comes in that’s when the flood of I just got goosebumps that’s like when the flood of like the love the light, the goodness, comes flooding in and that is ultimately what gives us the courage it gives us the confidence. It gives us the strength it eliminates the self doubt and just propels us into this beautiful light I love this concept Stacy you know like I just I absolutely love this work that you’re doing. I love how inspiring it is. I love how you are tapping into it across all these different areas of life that we get impacted by and you know ultimately it’s it’s really leaning back in and trusting yourself and and trusting in the cocreation between you and the universe.That something amazing is gonna be on the other side of this. So any final words that you wanna leave our audience with today?

I just think I should let you guys know it’s not easy like you it’s so easy to stay in the safety zone and like stay on the couch and watch the Netflix all right like that’s so comfortable and supportive and cozy so fun but once you just make with the one move whatever that move is to you it could be the slightest littlest thing that you could do and that’s just like the first step and then once you do that then just do one more thing. It doesn’t have to be something crazy you know just start with like these little little, little things and that’s what I would just suggest. Just don’t think you have to go from like zero to in a day right and then the other thing is be comfortable just having it be messy you know. I love calling myself like messy massive action that’s what I do it’s like nothing looks perfect on the outside. It’s always messy and I think that’s what people like so much about my stuff is it’s like not perfect because I’m giving you permission exactly to show up how you are and I think that helps I mean the other day I did a Facebook live in a shower cap, like after taking my shower real and authentic.

Love it to show them it doesn’t freaking matter cause they kept thinking they had to be all this thing you know to like and I’m like no just be yourself and so anyway that’s kind of the way I was getting them first week was mindset. It was just the funniest thing so that would be my final words it’s just be you if you don’t know who you is find you and record something in your phone today and that’ll help you kind of get some clarity.

I love that Stacy. Thank you so much for being here today and I want people to know where they can find you and I know that you mentioned that you’re gonna be doing a a new challenge coming up so how can people find you so that they can get more information and potentially sign up to do the next challenge with you?

Do the thing podcast.com has all my podcast and then on my Instagram do the thing formula of a new YouTube which is do the thing formula and then for the singles community on Facebook it’s a private groups you’ll have to request to join but just say you heard about it from Wendy’s podcast and that is do the thing singles.

Awesome Stacy! Thank you for being here today. I adore you and I look forward to seeing so much more amazingness coming out and I can’t wait till your book comes out. So we’ll have to have you back on when that when that releases but thank you again for sharing your wisdom today with our audience.

Thanks for having me this was so much fun. Of course and everybody tuning in oh my goodness you guys know with every single podcast episode that my goal is to ultimately help you wherever it is that you are in your process by gifting you with nuggets of information because ultimately you are in charge of your own healing and recovery process. Don’t forget that I also have my book available on Amazon if you guys wanna check it out it’s called Divorce sucks now what?

It’s available on Kindle as well as in paperback so be sure to purchase that and let me know what you guys think.

If you guys love today’s podcast go in and share your reviews put in your star ratings I appreciate it all so much.

I wish you guys a beautiful rest of your day as always sending you so much love light and joy mwah, bye everybody!