Even though my divorce is four and a half years behind me, what I have been going through these past days with my mom feels extremely similar. I went through the experience again after my wonderful 74-year-old mother lost her battle to ovarian cancer.
Mom found out about her condition on the same day that I told my now ex-husband that I wanted a divorce. Talk about grief hitting me twice in one day with probably the two people that were my biggest rocks.
In the middle of grief, I find myself feeling completely numb and weak and yet the need to stand strong.
Top points you’ll discover:
✔️ Grief comes in waves and a myriad of different ways. As I am going through this again — the death of my marriage and now the death of my mother— the feelings feel very similar. It’s never easy to say goodbye to somebody. The grief comes rushing in — whether it’s the feeling of death like how divorce can be for so many of us or death in the family due to an accident or illness. There are moments where it feels debilitating.
✔️ Be present in the life that you have. Whatever you are going through right now: permit yourself to feel it all. Go through the motions to your healing. The only way to the other side is to be fully present now and hopeful of tomorrow’s promises.
✔️ As we enter the new chapter of 2022, the good days will be amazing, and the bad days will be hard. But just staying present in what you will be feeling and the roller coaster of emotions that comes with it is OK.
It is OK to be authentic.
It is OK to express yourself,
and it’s OK to take a break from life.
✔️ Life is now. If there’s a significant thing that death and divorce taught me, life is truly short. We need to make a conscious decision if we continue to live in fear of what’s to come or be present in the life that we have — because the only time that exists is now.
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Going through an immense betrayal can be the most difficult thing to get over. In fact, it makes it hard for us to trust others again. Believe me. I know how it feels. My ex-husband cheated on me, and he was the last person I’d have ever thought to be capable of hurting me. It took me some time to realize that trust has to start within ourselves.
After her son was born, Kristy Carruthers had to sell off their clothing, jewelry, and belongings. She started interviewing for jobs at four weeks postpartum. After living on credit cards for a few months, she just hit the end of the rope and ended up having to sell the house to pay the credit card bills. That’s when the mind shift happened. I said to myself, ‘You know what? This can never happen again. This is not acceptable.'”
When I was married, divorce was never on my mind.
It never occurred to me that it had to be something I should learn about.
Fast forward to today, it continues to be that gift that keeps on giving. It has taught me about myself more than I ever knew.
Even though I’ve undergone therapy, I still believe that what I’ve endured and experienced post-divorce unraveled five lessons that I never would’ve discovered on my own.