Divorce is complex and traumatic to all parties involved, especially for the children. Co-parenting adds a whole other layer of challenges, especially when behavioural problems arise in children and you’re not on the same page with your ex.
In this episode, I share the screen and engage in valuable conversation with Kimball Lewis, the CEO of EmpoweringParents.com. Lewis shares timeless and practical parenting advice to help parents manage the most challenging child behaviour problems.
Key Points in this Episode:
✔️ Kids who act out have difficulty in problem-solving. Lewis cites these are emotional troubles dealing with frustration, anger, and issues that kids don’t necessarily understand why they act out as a result. In addition, they may have functional problems and have a hard time meeting responsibilities like getting up and going to school or putting the video game down.
✔️ Blaming your co-parent for your child’s behaviour doesn’t do your child any good. Children see themselves as an extension of both parents. So when you’re blaming the other parent, you’re essentially creating more issues with your kids instead of treating them as an individual.
✔️ Put accountability on your child, and they’ll have a much better chance of improving. Lewis shares, “you’re not responsible for your child’s behaviour. Your child is. If you want to keep the accountability on your child, what you’re responsible for is your response to it. There are effective and ineffective responses, but don’t consider the child’s behaviour as your fault. The child needs to be held accountable, and that’s how they’re going to learn to behave better.”
✔️ Stop participating in an argument with your child. When your child’s arguing against your rules, and you’ve explained yourself once, you don’t have to have that argument any longer. You can say, “look, these are the rules you need to comply with, or else there will be consequences tomorrow. We can sit down for 20 minutes, and we can talk about it. We’ll schedule it out.”
✔️ Applying consequence is not a punishment. Instead, you’re helping to train and teach your child how to behave and solve problems appropriately. Although it may not work the first time, you’re going to have to keep applying these things, so if you use a consequence and then the child does it again the next day, it doesn’t mean that it’s not working. You have to keep applying it right.
✔️ Don’t take their behaviour personally. Lewis reminds this even when they swear at you because they’re not solving the problems effectively, and you end up being the recipient of it. For example, they could be repeating something that the other spouse told them that they should and have no business knowing, and they’ll use it against you to solve their problem, which is to get out of responsibility or out of frustration. So you can’t take it personally, and you have to view it as a behaviour problem.
✔️ EmpoweringParents.com provides a total transformation program called “Two Parents, One Plan” that serves as an instruction manual to help separated parents deal with defiant kids.
Connect with Kimball Lewis
Kimball Lewis is the CEO of EmpoweringParents.com, the leading provider of parenting and coaching programs for parents struggling with severe defiance, constant arguing, and other behaviour problems in children ages 5 to 25. This company is the home of James Lehman’s The Total Transformation® child behaviour program, used by over 500,000 families worldwide. Their objective is to put the knowledge of America’s most respected psychologists and therapists in the hands of parents to give them not just the theory but emphasizing the “how-to” as a practical roadmap to achieve a better family life.
Connect with Wendy Sterling
Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/15-minute-divorce-recovery-call
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